Articles

Clichés

At the end of the day, if you want to be happy as a clam in hog heaven, avoid clichés like the plague.

Overused or meaningless words and phrases

• Incredible / incredibly – It means “not believable” – not “very” or “amazingly good/bad”
• “I go, he went, she's all, they were like . . .” for: told, thought, asked, wondered (aloud or silently), shouted, whispered, responded, complained, guessed, advised, ordered, expressed, commanded, directed, instructed, informed, griped, described, stated, elaborated, explained . . . or: said.
• Dawg – species confusion at best, and so 2005
• Perfect storm – Mis-used to describe almost any coincidence
• Decimate – Actual meaning: “reduced by one-tenth”; doesn’t mean “annihilate”
• It is what it is – Well, yeah, otherwise it wouldn’t be what it is. Circumlocution implying no-thought-required acceptance of the status quo.
• At the end of the day . . . What day?
• An accident that didn’t have to happen. Some do have to happen?
• Limousine expressions on bicycle outings, e.g.:
• “ongoing processes of substantial increases in personnel” Do you mean, General Petraeus, “more soldiers”?
• “community of learners” . . . Also known as a “school.”

Obscenities

Properly aimed and well-placed, “dirty words” are, on rare occasions, effective. But 99.9% of the time, they merely pollute the social environment.

F-words, s-words, a-words. Instead of “That film was f---ing great,” or “f---ing terrible”, try: entertaining / dark and thought-provoking / fabulous and weird / inspired, original and haunting / an affront to the senses / a creative disaster / hilarious / an abominable embarrassment to all filmmaking / or: great / terrible.

Sucks. A bit of thought about the origin of this word (which once meant something done through a straw or to a popsicle) should invite you to reconsider its safe use in public.

In doubt? Consider whether you would be charmed to hear it from a 5-year-old.

Fillers

• “Like” . . . If you like fill in like a lot with the “like” word; it's, like, maddening.
• “You know / y'know” . . . If I already know, you don't need t'tell me.
• “Um” “Uh” “And . . .” . . . Pause, instead.
• “Sort of, kind of . . .” . . . Waters down your message. If you do mean “approximately” or “possibly”, say that.
• “No, yeah . . .” to begin a comment. Alternatively, “Yeah, no . . .”

A personal brand? Can people define and convey personal value through visual impressions and behavior, like an organization’s logo, colors and image? Or is “personal branding” just another made-up worry embraced by consultants eager to sell the soothing solutions?

Tom Peters (you recognize that brand) opened the question in 1997 with an article in Fast Company (August), “The Brand Called You,” presenting reasons to develop and manage exactly that. Ten years later, that 10-year-old article comes up first among 335,000 when I Google® “personal brand.” Even Forbes.com paid (albeit somewhat tongue-in-cheek) attention in an article (2/26) earlier this year.

Personal brand is easy to understand if we consider certain memorable public personalities who have staked a position in the collective mind or market – a signature, if you like – whether or not they sought to do so: Oprah. Warren Buffet. Mick Jagger. Bill. Tiger. Paris.

"If you're going to be a brand,” Peters wrote, “You've got to become relentlessly focused on what you do that adds value.” Finding that focus is the key to managing your personal brand, instead of letting a lesser impression define you. We see this a lot when helping a client prepare for a public appearance, because it’s necessary to get right to the essence of the message. To do that, we need to set aside much of the story about the message, the thoughts and qualifications around it – anything that isn’t the heart of the matter.

We must also identify the unique value that goes with the message, along with something more difficult: the emotion underneath it all. What keeps you doing this? What’s the passion, the aha!? The satisfaction? These questions help uncover the seed of the message so that we can grow its best expression from there.

Is “branding” inauthentic? Well, think of the difficulty in expressing the genuine heart of a matter for, say, a speech, article or interview. Notice how awkward or boring a speaker can sound, even when the sentiments come straight from the soul. Authentic expression really does require special attention and focus.

First impressions remain crucial to branding, and not just because attention spans appear to be shrinking by the daily sound bite. We two-footed types wouldn’t have ventured far from the cave, had we not been able to make quick choices based on what we see and hear. To this day, we subconsciously make immediate decisions about likeability, credibility, and whether we want to know more. Correct or not (another issue!), first impressions are persuasive, and very hard to rewind.

Another way to look at it: we each already do have a brand. Its nature, quality, effectiveness—and yes, its truth – is the question. If everything about one’s presence informs the message, it makes sense to assure that the brand, or whatever you call it, is both authentic and supportive of our goals. The concept can give us some productive ways to think about – and ultimately, I hope, create, shape, express and manage – those messages.

Conventional public speaking instruction assumes that the challenges of public speaking are the same for everyone.

Not so! Many talented, expert "numbers crunchers" are reluctant (okay, we'll say it: ambivalent, averse, repulsed, or scared out of their socks) to speak in public.

They are the opposite of those smooth-talkative money extroverts who saturate the radio, offer seminars for the public, and jump at every podium.

• Throughout much of his career, Bill, an insurance company president who came up on the underwriting and finance side, would rather drink paint than speak in front of a group. But now he must address shareholders, lawmaking bodies, and industry conferences.
• Margaret is a commercial banker whose success brought her to the presidency of a nationwide industry association. With that honor came a major address to the annual conventions. And, when a lending scandal erupted, Margaret found herself on national television.

In coaching numerous clients like Bill and Margaret, we've uncovered specific techniques that work for lower-keyed speakers.

Five tips, in addition to professional coaching, help:

1. What to memorize:
   Memorize the opening phrases for the beginning, the major points, and the closing of your presentation. (We don't recommend memorizing the entire speech.)
2. Recommended practicing method
   Practice in front of at least one other person. But first, practice out loud, alone.
3. Look! (elsewhere)
   Direct attention away from yourself a time or two during your presentation. The simplest examples are visual aids. You could also ask the audience to answer a question, fill in a blank or two on a handout, or take 30 seconds to discuss an idea with a person next to them.
4. Capitalize on your affinity for numbers and details
   You in particular benefit from extra attention to fact, detail and the organization of ideas. These are your strong points, and we want to capitalize on them.
5. Alone time
   Carve out fifteen minutes or so to be alone before you speak. If you are speaking at a reception or other gathering when you'll be socializing before you speak, get yourself away from the crowd for at least five, and preferably ten or fifteen, minutes.

“Numbers” folks should do the usual prep, as well: visit the site in advance, practice, and choose clothing that increases your confidence. We usually don’t advice people to read their speeches. But, if severe jitters remain a problem, this is a good answer . . . IF you practice out loud several times.

Speakers of all temperaments face similar issues in delivering a talk with confidence and credibility. But it makes no sense to recommend that all of us approach the challenge the same way.

All of us, I guess. It’s said that the idea of standing to speak in front of others induces more heart-pounding panic than the dread of death and snakes . . . maybe even taxes.

This aversion is only – well, natural. Researchers find that simply being looked at produces a heightened state of anxiety. Nerves tingle, skin temperature rises, the heart quickens. We know it as the fight-or-fight instinct, and psychologists call it arousal – which still doesn’t make it a good time.

In experiments, people asked to perform simple tasks make more errors when a witness is present. Even those who have learned to perform very well in front of others – say, professional athletes, stage performers and even professional speakers – are known to experience nausea, sweating, dizziness and disorientation before actually getting to work.

Now that I’ve cheered you up, what are the best ways to deal with our natural fear, hesitation or dislike of speaking in front of others?

Identify your speaking challenges.

You can’t improve what you’re not aware of. Listen to yourself on audio tape or CD. (If you don’t know what to say, simply describe out loud what you did yesterday or on your last vacation.)

Make an audio-visual recording of yourself speaking, and watch it. I know, this can really make you squirm! Difficult as it may be, it’s one of the most effective things you can do, because it helps you see exactly what you want to change.

Desensitize yourself.

Practice whenever you can. Even a bit of speaking in front of family members, best friend, co-workers or poker group will help you get used to those eyes on you.

Look good up there.

It’s as Mom, or someone, told you: Confidence increases considerably when you’re dressed appropriately, and looking your best. Listeners grant more credibility to a speaker who makes a good visual impression, because their perception of your speech is mostly determined by what they see. (While what you say is indeed important, it may not be heard if the visual part of your message is off. But that’s another column.)

Improve your voice.

If you aren’t happy with the sound of your recorded voice, you may be speaking from high in your chest, from your throat or even through your nose. While driving or on your bike or walking, practice taking deep, full breaths, voicing full, rounded sounds that come from your lower chest and diaphragm as you breathe out. As you deepen and round out your tone, you will feel more confident and commanding.

Keep your major purpose foremost in mind.

When you get a chance to speak, stay in touch with the reason you are speaking, and keep in mind your desired outcome. Part of our trepidation comes from being overly concerned with how we come across, of course. When we remind ourselves that we’re speaking not just to speak, but as part of a larger commitment, it helps us get out of our own way.

Get speech coaching.

You saw this coming! As you already know, it takes concentrated practice and specialized instruction to perform well at anything with people watching. When we look at environments that demand high levels of personal performance – such as professional athletics, music, acting, and politics – we can clearly see the value of group or individual coaching. Speaking in public warrants the same level of professionalism.

Finally, consider yourself a pro.

In a sense, all leaders are professional speakers. We want to be clear and persuasive when we address customers, inspire teams, face television cameras, or stand before community groups and government boards.

The fight-or-flight response, which creates our aversion to speaking in public, is a natural form of energy. It’s powerful, but it doesn’t have to be in charge.